mental health


roobs vs failure

April 30, 2017 Roobs Leiser

i was going to start this with the sentence ‘my biggest fear in life is failure.’ - but given that i just found myself walking home alone with 7% battery at 11pm on a saturday night in london because a girl threw up at my bus stop, i probably have to acknowledge the distinction between conscious & subconscious fears. consciously, my biggest fear in life - since my very early teens (there was no traumatic trigger, i’m just as baffled about the whole thing as the next person) - is seeing/hearing/being sick. subconsciously, in the way i live my life,...


rethinking self-esteem

April 09, 2017 Roobs Leiser

self-esteem is, i think, continuously misunderstood. especially in the aftermath of trauma, abuse, an active dismantling of your confidence. where we go wrong is - i reckon - in the belief that self-esteem can be damaged, altered, repaired. the way i see it, the way i experienced it, is that self-esteem either exists in a person or it does not. you either have it or you don’t. i think that if your self-worth is in question then you don’t have self-esteem - and i think that the idea of a self-esteem that just needs worked on is damaging to all...


pill-o talk

November 27, 2016 Roobs Leiser

i went on the pill when i was 17. after suffering through the first year of periods with pain so bad that i couldn’t feel my legs - thinking that this was what every woman went through and that i just wasn’t tough enough - i eventually went to see the GP, who couldn’t believe i had put up with it for so long. we tried various things. NSAIDs, painkillers, but nothing made a difference. they were massacre-victim heavy, lasted a week & a half, and were ruining my life. eventually, a doctor said we could try the pill. i...


fear and loathing in glasvegas

August 14, 2016 Roobs Leiser

almost all of my pieces on here take hours to write - i overthink everything as standard, and my writing is the most scrutinised of all my creative outputs.  but this, this is flowing out of me tonight. it won’t be polished and it will be too long, but it’s raw and it’s honest and, i think, it’s important. i’ve been thinking a lot about domestic abuse today - in both general, and personal, terms. it’s something that i’ve aimed to subtly share snippets of at sporadic intervals over the past few months. this is a result of finding the...


the introversion diagnosis

August 02, 2016 Roobs Leiser

i’m sick of being called shy. people don’t make me nervous, don’t scare me, don’t intimidate me (much). for years i found myself being the embarrassment of others, found myself being apologised for - ‘she’s just shy’. for years i felt pathetic for not wanting to speak over others, not wanting to be the centre of attention, not wanting to go the party. and for years i told myself that eventually i’d grow up, get a grip, be charming and bubbly and the star of the show.  but i’m not shy. i’m just chronically introverted. talking to people doesn’t frighten...