domestic abuse awareness month

now that we’ve covered the broad types of gaslighting, now we have a list of the behaviours involved. i’m splitting this up over a couple of different posts because it’s quite heavy-going and i don’t want to overload you with info.  it’s also worth noting that, even by the time i’ve posted everything, this is by no means an exhaustive list - your experience of gaslighting will be unique to anyone else’s and your abuser will use things personal to you as a way to control you. this means that you will very rarely see exact things that you’ve experienced...

although gaslighting is a broad, umbrella term for the kind of behaviours that cause the desired effect in the victim - questioning their own sense of reality, sense of self, understanding of events, memory, rationality, sanity etc - there are also distinct types of behaviours within this catch-all heading. hiding the abuser aims to manipulate a situation in order to cover up something that they’ve done. this can involve convincing you that you’re wrong about something that shows them in a bad light or could potentially have negative consequences for them.  for example, you could notice something that doesn’t seem...

the term ‘gaslighting’ is one which has actually been in use since the 1960s, but has become more prominent in recent years - as women have started to address the ways in which they are kept down by men and, in a wider sense, a patriarchal society.  the term ‘gaslighting’ comes from a 1939 play by patrick hamilton, called ‘gaslight’. without giving too much away (it’s a really great thriller that i thoroughly recommend), mr manningham sets out to convince his wife - and those around them - that she is insane. he does so by manipulating small, subtle aspects...

another hard-to-come-to-terms-with fallout from your abuse experience is in how the people around your ex react. the idea of ‘taking sides’ is hard for even those just going through an ordinary breakup, but when abuse is involved it becomes particularly complex.  speaking out about abuse is an extraordinarily tough thing to do. what’s even tougher is to then watch people disregard your account of things in order to remain friends with your abuser. often, you don’t even need to speak out about it in order for their close friends to know, and that makes it even harder.  just about any...

oh hey, you know medusa? famous evil horrible medusa? snakes for hair? a gaze that would turn you to stone? yeah classic. d’you know the origins of the myth? now the story changed over the years but it’s generally accepted medusa was the only mortal of 3 sisters. the gorgons. she was a really beautiful young ~maiden~. so beautiful that she caught the gaze of big powerful sea god poseidon. and he obvs proceeded to be the prototype douchebag and channel that attraction into raping her in the sacred temple of athena. athena was, as you might expect, raging about...